It all started with a visit to my wedding photographer. She was the catalyst in this whole "let's get a bigger house/should we live here or there/can we sell this place/what in the world are we doing" life change we've got going on right now. Crazy how the little things can start BIG things, right?!
So, I had Emmalyn at Marty's studio when she was a few months old and we were chatting. Marty had decided to list her family home in Arlington to move closer to her daughter and grandkids. I had been to her house back in 2002 when we were doing wedding photo business and remember loving it. It was a lovely house, on a lovely, very BIG lot in Arlington. Lots of house, lots of bedrooms (very important), lots of character. Several weeks later she posted the listing on Facebook and I forwarded it to Jason. We were not. at. all. considering a move in the near future. Hadn't even crossed our minds.
Then it crossed Jason's mind.
He called me while I was at summer library storytime with the kids and suggested we set up a showing to see the house. Long story short, we actually never saw the house, it sold and I'm sure someone is very happy there. But it did get our wheels turning. Turning fast.
We looked at real estate in Arlington. We looked at homes in Haslet. We met with a realtor friend of mine from high school. We looked at land in Parker County. We almost, ALMOST bought a lot to build on in Milsap ISD. Then, we took a breath and prayed.
We asked God what was right. Jason prayed specifically for God to close doors if we were heading in the wrong direction and guess what... He did. It was made very clear to us that we were to wait. That we were to wait on His timing. That was hard. REALLY HARD.
I was mad. I was discouraged. I didn't want to wait. I wanted what I wanted, when I wanted it. But, dejectedly, we obeyed. We were not thrilled. But, we were at peace about waiting, as hard as it was. And we continued praying about it. But I will say, the attitude toward the provision of a home, one that I already had, was not good.
And then the new year of Bible Study Fellowship started. What a blessing this is to me. We've been studying Genesis and the truths and promises from the very beginning of the Bible still ring true today. In week six I got a smack upside the head while reading my notes...
Perhaps God in His love for you is holding back from you something you desire. The result is that you have a deep-seated discontent and self-pity. Sometimes this bitterness shows itself in rebellion and asserting one's independence against God's revealed way of life in the Bible.
And in the same notes I read...
... trust god and therefore find direction and fulfillment in God Himself, in His love toward him (speaking of Abel), and in His gifts, even in hard circumstances.
Y'all. It's as if God was talking directly. to. me. And I know he was, through this study. I know it. So I changed my prayer. I didn't pray for a change in circumstances (though my circumstances aren't difficult at all) I prayed for a change of heart. I prayed that I would focus on the blessings and provisions I did have and stopped praying for the things I wanted. I also prayed for the desires of His heart to be made the desires of mine.
And I waited...